Home Works: To Bidet or not to Bidet

By Warren O’Shea

It used to be that only the Europeans and the rich and famous had the luxury of having their backsides cleaned by jets of water. But no more! Thanks to manufacturing wizardry, a bidet “lid” can be added to your existing toilet with only two bolts. Due to the design, they work best with elongated toilets, although round ones are available at a higher cost. They can be plugged into a standard, ground fault protected wall outlet and connected to your existing toilet water supply. Prior to the bidet lids and before there were full bidet toilets, the homeowner would need to have two separate fixtures, a toilet and a bidet. 

Warren O'Shea

When it was time to do one’s “business,” number two would go in the toilet and then the user would have one of two options: move over to the bidet and its warm, cleaning water jets, or do the standard “reach back with the paper” method in which we are all familiar on the toilet. On top of the inconvenience of waddling over to the cleaning station, the separate fixture would have to be plumbed in with its own drain, vent, and water supply. As you can imagine, having two separate porcelain thrones in a bathroom will not only occupy a considerable amount of valuable real estate but add a significant expense to a new or remodeled bathroom. This is where the subject of this discussion really shines.

The bidet lid is very economical to buy and install. If you find that it's not for you, just disconnect and go back to the old method, but please don't list the lid on Marketplace (everyone thanks you in advance). You’ll also use a lot less toilet paper, like, a lot less toilet paper. My kids used to wrap their wiping hand so much with toilet paper that it looked like they were prepping to go three rounds in the boxing ring with Mike Tyson. Now, back to the lids…

Prices for these marvels of engineering vary from as little as $20 to $500 and more, depending on the model. 

The more expensive models will have:

 
Nightlights - Ours is a cool light blue color that is great for late night visits. We don't get blinded by having to turn the main bathroom light on thus preserving our night vision. It is also easier to fall back asleep when you haven't been shocked awake with bright light.

 
Fan dryers - We have this option on ours but generally don't use it. It's a feature that if given the option, would have opted for the heated fan drier. The air movement through the unit can smell stale if not used frequently enough. This is where a deodorizer or charcoal filter would definitely help.

 
Replaceable deodorizer - I must advise against using a fragrance that is akin to something that could be consumed. If your toilet deodorizer smells like coconut, a Pina Colada may not be your favorite drink anymore.

Programmable user settings - Who wouldn't love a customized can cleaner! Get the water temp set, washing method, pattern, duration. I’d tell you what my personalized settings are but I think everyone needs to have their secrets. I also don't want to influence what settings work best for you. Worst case scenario is somehow my name gets attached to your favorite wash setting. While I would be quite honored, I wouldn't want my business to be your business in that way.

Generally, the standard options are for seat and water temperature, and mode of spray. At first, you'll have to get used to the warm seat, knowing that you weren't the batter up for the toilet. But it’s a fantastic feature, especially on cold winter mornings. The water can be set to your ideal temperature and there are many spray patterns to choose from. Just like watering the lawn, there’s the woosh-woosh and the chick-chick-pffft-pffft-pffft sprinklers, and the jet. The jet is self-explanatory, but if you've ever tried to use the hose to blast away dandelions from the cracks in the driveway, it's kind of like that. 

Ultimately, once you get past the initial breaking in period, (you, not the bidet) it's an appliance you won’t regret installing. One of my family was so enamored with mine that she named it Javier, stating “Anything that's able to do what this thing does needs a name.” As a remodeling contractor, I've seen requests for the bidet lid increase so much that we have added it, and a dedicated GFCI outlet, as a line item in our bathroom remodel spreadsheet. I’d like to think that the increase in install requests has been because of my rave reviews to prospective clients but it’s really Javier that deserves all the credit. <

Warren O’Shea has 25-plus years of residential remodeling experience, is a certified home inspector and has been featured on HGTV, Food Network, and Maine Cabin Masters. He is a recipient of the Portland Police Department’s “Citizen Award,” is a staunch construction consumer advocate, and has co-authored articles for nationally distributed trade magazines.